Don’t seek “closure” in a relationship
…because the words will not make sense to you
When you catch feelings for someone, you have a shared language.
It is not forced or contrived. Most importantly, it’s mutual.
We had a “word of the day” challenge. When that ended, it was a code word that translated into call or text back because it was important.
Then it was the sexy evening phone call filled with sexual banter, and if missed for whatever reason, the early morning one, more comfortable and loving in nature.
At this point the aforementioned “we” becomes universal because the experience is reenacted at some point in most long term relationships.
A day passes and then two or three, and after several missed calls, and question marks left in text messages, the response you receive is “all good.”
What’s “all good” you ask yourself because the mental anguish you put me through is anything but good. At this point, however, you refrain from pushing for clarity for fear you might make this merry ground stop for good.
Then the incoming text messages and phone calls stop.
You are not exactly ghosted, but put in a relationship purgatory, a virtual “should I stay or should I go?” scenario.
You make excuses for the person believing they might be too busy, too preoccupied and chide yourself for being needy. It must be my faulty projections because my radar is off, you tell yourself.
But here is my warning.
If you are a woman reading this: Don’t push for that uncomfortable talk. Don’t ask where you stand, do they still love you, want you, miss you, etc.
You won’t get the answer you want.
You won’t get the “of course I do,” or “I am sorry I have been distant.”
Because they feel none of those things.
You won’t even get the closure you seek to understand why the emotional attachment ended.
You just will be told you are crazy or overthinking things.
In the end the words will be meaningless because you no longer have the shared language.
