The Case for Micro-Dosing
Managing your day without it managing you
When formulating goals, the list-makers like myself tend to type and delete, edit and refine, looping and self-guessing.
It is a paralyzing habit and maturity makes it worse. Knowledge of the world and its shortcomings has drained the self-start from me.
“Why bother?”
Without the thrill of excitement that so defined by younger career ambitions and personal misadventures with men, I feel empty.
In that vacuum, frustration and anger invited themselves as guests in my mental living room, flicking the channels on the large-screen monitor of my brain. I care (too much) about the blinking colors and the volume on that screen except…
…when I treat myself to slow down; coping and concentrating become easier. I am able to sit and observe my mental house guests without making them too comfortable. I do not offer them treats to stay longer, but neither do I show them the door.
Instead I “observe” and that word has gained so much more power for me as I have grown older, and accepted that I am NOT my brain’s traffic cop. (Hell, I do not even like the idea of control anymore, and that was the cornerstone of my glorious self-righteous bitchy self.)
With a little edible CBD-THC reinforcer, the loud demands flashing on the mental screen become background, not a pressing concern to be dealt with by me right this minute.
I do not have to cross or uncross out, prioritize, or lament tasks. I do not define my self worth if my to-do list if left uncompleted. And all it takes is a little quieting of my anxiety and the subsequent green lighting of my creativity.
I am a writer and, at almost 56, the half century mark has been crossed over. Traveling on the rest of my journey is helpful if I can feel free.
Am I going around wearing a Marijuana T-shirt on my aging middle-aged body? Probably, scratch that, definitely not. But self censorship and worries are no longer my style either.
I grew up and had to measure up: physically my weight was thin, my hair was lightened blond, and my blue eyes were underscored in eyeliner to show that I was pretty as well as competent.
Now I am average to heavy in weight, my grays are fighting with the bleached streaks and my blue eyes are shadowed by my sagging lids.
The anger and frustration that are frequent guests is depression turned inside out. I have learned this because I have lived this.
Prozac Nation was published almost 30 years ago to some controversy for revealing how universally the drug was prescribed for what I am now experiencing. And now the scripts that be so easily legally or non-legally obtained include Xanax to Adderall to Percocet….
Micro-dosing weed to promote mindfulness is where I am at and where my interest has taken me. Improvements in mood and mental health are something that are within my reach.
The sheer absurdity of organization and societal structures make me laugh as the melting edible enters my blood stream. The acerbic wit, which was my writer’s calling card, is once again available to me.
I am going to let my life play (party) on and hit the mute bottom as needed, with a little help from my sweet friends.
