Why I keep my inner circle tight
…everyone is not your friend
My friends are validators and sounding boards, drinking buddies, and adventure seekers. They are closer than family and know me well.
And I can count them on one hand, minus three fingers.
As I matured, interests and locations, made maintaining friendships difficult and, rather than grow my circle, I let it shrink.
I wave my introvert flag proudly.
I can make the case for myself and will do so despite a mountain of evidence to the contrary. Hell, even the Mayo Clinic has said “friendships enrich your life and improve your health.”
My people are my people, and I am grateful for that.
But I also like my own company, a lot. I would rank it equal to the companionship of others. I enjoy doing everything solo. I mean everything: traveling, shopping, and working.
Here’s why:
Relationships, especially friendships, require compromise. People run late, change plans, ask for favors, and negotiate boundaries. They require the expense of energy and the deficits can mount emotionally.
“Count on me,” and “I’ll be there for you.”
How many friends are of that “ride or die” variety?
Yes, I hold the benchmark pretty high. Sorry.
New friendships (like new money) are transaction based. I want to see what is going on in your life, so I can measure my achievements against them. I want to be told the truth by you if it serves my interests. I will “like” your posts in the virtual world in hopes that you will do that for me.
Fake friendships, however, are not limited to cyber space.
In Home Owners Associations, for example, neighbors are friends if the prevailing majority approves. If you run counter to the winds, the sails deflate and friendships stagnate in the water.
Many educators and social scientists thought that masking during the Covid-19 pandemic and limited social contacts were awful and would cause psychological consequences. It was, in fact, isolating. We survived.
Are the older folks among us worse for the wear without seeing people we thought were friends for lunch, or at the book club?
Younger people who are still forming themselves definitely need budding friends to figure out who they are. But those mature enough might have spent some valuable time unpacking themselves without the distractions of friendships
Those who love being among people in a city, have many acquaintances; the corner coffee cart guy, the cat lady in your apartment building, the Door Dash delivery person, etc.
I live in a more isolated country setting where many people are seasonal, which is perfect for acquaintance building.
Acquaintances do not require as much time. They are like drive-by friendships. No hassle.
Even an introvert like myself could stomach those interactions.
